I had no choice but to allow the words, “I Surrender All”, to echo through out my being after receiving the news of a fracture in my left ankle. This fracture required of me to be immobilized in a cast and to also be non-weight bearing for 8 weeks to allow sufficient healing of the bone. The Talus bone of the ankle had a non-displaced fracture on the underside above the subtalar joint. When this was revealed to me by a 3T MRI (a higher strength MRI) as it did not show up on standard x-rays, I was in shock as I had been walking around on my foot and I never knew that I had ever fractured it.
These words of the famous Hymn, “I Surrender All”:
1. All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
2. All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
3. All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
4. All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
5. All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
Think about life as you know it coming to a halt. No more walking, no more riding my sweet horse, asking others to help you when you hate to ask for help. Total stress to your upper body using crutches let along the stress on my right leg doing the job for both legs. My right foot/ankle now has increased pain in trying to carry the load of both feet. In my journey to get answers for my left ankle pain that has been going on for quite awhile concurrently with my other medical issues, I was not expecting this kind of answer. I had already been non-weight bearing off my left leg for 6 weeks earlier this year with my prior Proximal Tibiofibular Surgery. Now to do it all over again was more than my soul (my mind, my will, my emotions) could handle. Monday night 9-9-13 was not a good night.
A Dr. Gent from Bremerton, WA outside of Seattle called me with the wonderful news of the MRI findings. When I got off of the phone, I fell into my husband’s arms and I cried till I could not cry anymore. Then the words of the song, “I Surrender All”, as posted above echoed in my head. The Lord knows I love music and he speaks to me through giving me songs. This song rang loud and clear and my spirit knew to follow the words: “humbly at his feet I bow,worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me, Jesus, take me now” God was certainly in the moment with me. He calmed my fears of how I was going to handle the days to come on one leg as I had no prior preparation or help lined up. My husband and I had just been in Seattle the days before enjoying a lovely weekend with friends and I had met Dr. Gent to discuss a minimally invasive surgery(see www.HyProCure.com) to help my subtalar joint instability. (A detailed medical blog coming soon pertaining to this instability.) I was already planning on returning for his surgical intervention when the MRI now revealed a fracture. He told me I had to get the bone healed first and then I could return for his help in correcting the instability that most likely created the conditions for the fracture to occur.
To be healed, the next morning my leg was immobilized in a short leg cast by my local foot doctor, Dr. Brockbank, in Spokane and life’s new journey began. Now almost 3 weeks later I am writing about it. Trials come to all of us and it is what we choose to do in the trial that will define the days ahead. I chose to surrender my will and accept quickly what needed to be done even though I sincerely hated it. I could have just continued walking as I was. After all, the week prior I had ridden my horse on a 2 hour trail ride with no knee pain do to my successful surgery earlier this year with only some pain in ankle but not overly excruciating. The video song “Blessings” in my other spiritual blog is comforting all over again to me as I endure the next weeks to come. For all those readers that have done time with non-weight bearing, my heart and compassion go out to you.
“I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.” Going with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Great Physician (our heavenly psychiatrist) is how we can cope in this earthly life. I am running a race with a little help right now with a knee scooter and crutches, but I will get to the finish line in His timing. See my website home page for all my medical journey blogs thus far. More to be posted on the ankle adventures soon. As I am inspired, I will also write a spiritual blog again in the future.
Here is link to my next blog.