2018–Stand My Ground Where Hope Can Be Found

“Stand My Ground Where Hope Can Be Found”

June, 9th, 2018 – I haven’t written a Spiritual Journey Blog since my last blog of April 2016.  Now over 2 years later I am shocked at how much more I’ve been able to continually go through medically speaking and still maintain hope of finishing the race. I take my inspiration for my blog writing from a special song sung by Lauren Daigle, entitled “O’Lord”. Music such as this featured here on my blog is ultimately my go to place to revive my soul(my mind, my will and my emotions) let alone my spirit being edified and uplifted in praise to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Here is YouTube Video:

Certainly I am not an accomplished singer like Lauren Daigle; however, I put my heart and soul into singing her music. I also know that I reap the benefits of the declaration of the words of her songs. Speaking scripture out loud or singing anointed songs to God edifies our soul and spirit. It takes us to a higher place. The more I stay ascended in the higher place, the more I can cope with life.

So what does all this mean to my readers/website followers, AHE Health YouTube Channel, and Facebook page followers? The answer is I have continued to face the challenges of fixing my human body with 7 more surgeries to date since April 2106. All the heartache of persevering to diagnose the details of what has plagued me, all the pre and post surgery anxiety, the non-stop rehabilitation, the lack of enjoying time with my horse. The lack of a life outside of this medical merry-go-round.  The financial burden to my hard working husband of medical co-pays when I could have a real vacation instead of ongoing hotel/travel expense in the city of my out of town surgeon’s office.  I want to be real with my readers. Just because I do have surgical success in my medical stories (many more to be written as I’m behind there too in writing), it doesn’t mean I don’t suffer emotionally on top of the short term bouts of post surgery pain. I know that patients identify with my medical stories (see my homepage)because they write me and tell me so on my contact page.

A common theme among patients is the heartache of sorting out their own medical issues.  By the time patients have read my blog and contacted me, they usually have been long entrenched in their own journeys and have turned to the internet to find answers. To that extent, I’m so glad I can be just one of unlimited resources that the internet world has to offer. This is why I offer this Spiritual Journey blog as it tells more of my personal/emotional side compared to the medical details in the surgery/rehab blogs.

Boldly I will state these past 2 years have been very emotional. I feel like I’m almost to the finish line of the race physically; yet I can’t quite press through the ribbon yet. The answer to the problem is: God has me right where He wants me. If only I could just stay put and accept it then I would then have it made. But He only promises His Grace and Peace for today.  It truly is “One day at a time Sweet Jesus”. We cannot get ahead of God. I’m guilty of worrying like anyone else.

What is my ongoing current problem to worry about? After all that has been done medically and all the layers of the onion peeled off and fixed, a root issue of “Athletic Hip Injury and Capsular Laxity” is the burden of my physical body and ultimately my soul.  I am managing the situation the best I can with ongoing awareness and physical therapy training. I actually walk pain free, I can push off and run short sprints, I can dance pain free, sit pain free most of the time. I even starting doing planks prior to my recent elbow surgery(now 8 weeks ago).  However when I’m not right, I go from feeling strong and connected to neurologically disconnected at the simple shift of my femur out of hip socket–a microinstability that upsets my pelvis to femur relationship that ultimately travels up my entire spine to my neck. My left leg will shake and look like it lost muscle tone, my ankle will snap, and I’m off center with feeling like all the muscle tightness has traveled to the right side of my body while the left side is loosey-goosey. This can happen at anytime, but predominantly it happens when I try to relax stretched out to watch a movie or going to bed. Why? Because its my muscle activation that controls my hip-glutes, hamstrings, adductors. I have gained more resting tone to my muscles which is positive to help overcome the ligament laxity that shows up when muscles are resting. I have more better days and nights than bad ones. Compared to the years 2002 through 2015 before all my lower extremity issues were fixed, I do not suffer the violent spasms down my leg as time gone past when I’d have to throw myself out of bed to stand on my leg in middle of night. Looking back I can see how much God’s grace has helped me figure all of this out. And now I’m not freaked out because I know exactly what is happening when it happens, but back then I was so ignorant. I believed a lie that said, “Just because you had a prior herniation of L5-S1 of your disc in low back, you will be forever neurologically compromised down your leg.” Well the truth is I have a compromised hip capsule where the strong band of ligaments(illiofemoral and pubofemoral) that connect the pelvis to the femur have been stretched beyond their ability to recoil like a rubber band should. There are other details too pertaining to my hip but this blog is not about those medical technicalities.

Where the words/lyrics of the above song come into play,“Though times it seems like I’m coming undone, this walk can often feel lonely…” are very real words both physically and emotionally to me. But the songwriter tells me until the race is won, “I will stand my ground where hope can be found” applies to my rough days and not giving up hope that I will here soon find the right doctor that is willing to help me with my hip. I’ve already had appointments or medical opinions of no hope, but I know in my heart that hope is still out there. Because of the hope I have, I don’t give up unless God tells me so Himself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten in my car and this song has come on the radio or the other song mentioned above right when I needed to sing it again.

In the last year, I have continued to have wonderful increased chat times with fellow online patients. I’ve been able to give them resources and several of those patients have gone on to see my surgeons and get help for themselves. This is rewarding that other patients are helped by my published information. I participate in many facebook groups of mutual medical subjects. I always tell God that I don’t want to give up on myself, because if I did, then I would feel like I’m giving up on others. This journey has proved so much to me on how much the human body can endure and can adapt and change for the better. In many ways I still feel like my youth has been renewed despite the hip lingering issue. I have more hope now then the days back when I fell apart starting in 2002. So I declare: “I will stand my ground where hope can be found” and “You’ll take all that is wrong and make it right” My encouragement to all is: God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggle and a gift for your faithfulness. Don’t give up!!!

Update–October 28th, 2018 – I wrote this blog in June and sat on it for all this time as I was very busy with rehab of my elbow along with continuous core training.  Then I was happy to have several traveling trips/and vacation, then finishing up with any further diagnosing of my left hip. I was just burned out and didn’t have it in me to write or even get on my blog until now.  The hip is a mute point surgery wise and only regenerative can be done for it. No surgeon will do arthroscopic surgery to repair anything because of the level of arthritis in the hip per a 3D CT Scan that was done this last month. Really there was no further damage than what was already reported back on my CT Scan done in 2012 before my SI Joint Surgery as listed in my Chronological History Section of my website. So after 8 opinions about the hip over the last year, I was able to let go and finally trust God that He would keep my hip stable and help me to avoid a future hip replacement.  I have no pain in the joint; however, the slippage/distraction of my femur because of the super lax capsule is a daily maintenance project.

For patients with similar hip problems: My patient to patient suggestion is to get a manual longitudinal distraction test of your femur under fluoroscopy. This is a test that can show the laxity of the capsule itself. 

I have to move forward in 2 weeks with another surgery to fix my right lateral elbow and I certainly won’t be typing after that. God has been very good to me and I’m grateful to have the quality of life that I do have. May other patients or medical professionals that read my blogs be blessed with anything that I share.